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EIDX Glossary

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EIDX Collection of Acronyms and Abbreviations.

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Miscellaneous Terms

These digits last updated 08 November 2002

Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Account - Somewhere between aduke and anearl.

Advanced User - A person who has managed to remove a computer from its packing materials.

Alpha Test Version - Too buggy to be released to the paying public.

Asterisks - The dangers one takes when traveling through an asteroid belt.

Backup - The duplicate copy of crucial data that no one bothered to make; used only in the abstract.

Balderdash - A rapidly receding hairline.

Carcinoma - A valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.

Coffee - A person who is coughed upon.Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Consultant - A former sales associate who has mastered at least one tenth of the dBase III Plus Manual.

Beta Test Version - Still too buggy to be released.

Database - A system set up to arrange contacts between consenting bases, or, A complex set of interrelational data structures, allowing data to be lost in many convenient sequences while retaining a complete record of the logical relationships between the missing items.

Database Manager - A program that allows users to manipulate data in every conceivable way except the absolutely essential way they conceive of the day after entering 20 megabytes of raw data.

DELETE(or D) - De highest, de most sophisticated people in de world.

DOS - A spiritual leader who programmed too many computers in the late 60's - also called ROM DOS.

Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Fragmented Disc - What happens after a skiing accident.

Frisbatarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

Hard Disk - A device that allows users to delete vast quantities of data with simple mnemonic commands.

Implementation - The process of using farm tools on a large antebellum Southern farm.

Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

Multitasking - A clever method of simultaneously slowing down the multitude of computer programs that insist on running too fast.

Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absent mindedly answer the door in your nightie.

Network - An electronic means of allowing more than one person at a time to corrupt, trash, and otherwise cause permanent damage to useful information.

Operating System - One with a lot of action.

Password - What happens when a flatulent dictionary releases its pent-up verbiage.

Power User - A person who has mastered the brightness and contrast controls on any computer monitor.

Printer - An electromechnical paper shredding device.

Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

Release Version - Alternate pronunciation of "Beta Test Version".

Systems Integrator - A former consultant who understands the term AUTOEXEC.BAT.

Upgraded - Didn't work the first time.

User Friendly
- Supplied with a full color manual.

Very User Friendly
- Supplied with a disk and audiotape so a user need not bother with the full color manual.

Version 1.0
- Buggier than Maine in June; eats data.

Version 1.1
- Eats data only occasionally; upgrade is free, to avoid litigation by disgruntled users of Version 1.0.

Version 2.0
- The version originally planned as the first release, except for a couple of data-eating bugs that just won't seem to go away; no free upgrades or the company would go bankrupt.

Version 3.0
- The revision in the works when the company goes bankrupt.

Warranty
- Disclaimer.

Word Processor - The sequel to the pencil.

Workstation - A computer or terminal slavishly linked to a mainframe that does not offer game programs.